when life hands you lemons...

Sometimes things don't go the way you want them to. I've recently thought a lot about wins and losses, and how the way you handle them really indicates the substance of your person. I'm lucky to have a lot of supportive people in my life, and that has really had an effect on me.

One of the reasons that nerves get bad is you think about disappointing people you care about. In moments of panic you think that maybe no one will care about you anymore if you make mistakes. In the future it will help me a lot to look back and think about how everyone treated me after I had a loss. I've had a lot of positive interactions with people and gotten a lot of valuable information about how the people that matter to me think about these things.

I'm also lucky to have a bunch of fighters in my life. It makes a big difference when you talk to someone who understands what it's like, and remembers being in difficult situations and dealing with setbacks. It makes a big difference when you go into the gym on the following Monday and your friends tell you, "It looked like your nerves got you. It's okay. That happens to everyone. You just have to put it down to experience and go on to the next one." That puts it into perspective. No one hates you for having a bad performance. It is actually not a big deal at all. And, even more than that, everyone is proud of you for taking the fight. Everyone is proud of you for not punking out and taking some excuse to cancel. Everyone thinks that you have heart for getting into the ring when the crowd and the lights and the pressure made you feel like you're having a panic attack. At Unit 2, we have a lot of really experienced MMA fighters. These guys have the opportunity to look down on me, but they don't. It feels really good when a well-known fighter goes out of his way to talk to you, an amateur, to tell you that you did well and sometimes things don't go your way; to congratulate you on getting in there.

Of course, there are always gonna be the armchair fighters who want to give you critiques and suggestions, advice and so on. And they seem to think that what you do is pretty easy, and you should have made quick work of it. And you should have done this, and used that, and on and on. And they advise you about how you should train for the next one, and come up with "solutions" to your "problems." How can you take all this criticism seriously when you know that this person has never taken a fight and probably never will? It simply doesn't matter.

I have a friend who is a pro fighter- he's been on television, sometimes people in public have recognized him. This guy is humble as anyone. "I put my pants on just like everyone else," he says. He recently advised me on other people saying negative things. He was very frank. "Some people are fighters, and they're gonna understand what you have to go through. As far as the other people- fuck them and what they think." I didn't realize how much you have to subscribe to that until this last fight. I have been showered with support from other fighters. I've received emails from other fighters' coaches. Sunday my inbox was full of positive messages, and my phone was overflowing with text messages from people telling me that they're proud of me.

I've been taken to dinner and lunch and received a homemade pie. My friends from outside the gym (gyms, that is) are overjoyed that I can finally go out and eat with them.

I'd also like to add that having a humble nature and genuinely caring about other people seems to go a really long way in how others treat you when life hands you lemons. Sometimes people win, but no one's really all that happy about it because they lack qualities that endear them to others. They talk trash, or illustrate poor sportsmanship, and because of that, it means less to people when they do well. The fighters that I really admire personally are those that are more down-to-earth and genuine.

The more I get to be around positive people the more it helps me deal with nerves. If you choke, it will not be the end of the world. Everyone will not hate you for it. It will not be a big deal. You will do better next time. And you will get to eat homemade pumpkin pie.